Being a self confessed current affairs junkie I have indulged in news programmes, economic debates and yet more news. Finally I can no longer bear to listen to grim news announced by overpaid newsreaders with mournful expressions talking sympathetically about the latest economic woes whilst trying to conceal their joy at such news-rich days of darkness. I can see them now sitting in make up being handed an update of breaking news they must digest and explain to us in words we can understand. Mr Newsreader thumps the air "oh this is big great copy great copy" before feeling obliged to feel remorseful for those whose lives are affected by the words on his page as he is now increasingly aware that the silence of the normally bubbly make up girl whose name he just can't ever seem to remember suggests she may be thinking of her vulnerable position as an average wage sub contracted employee. Time to shake the head uttering half sentences about "doesnt bear thinking...whatever next...gosh...tch tht (followed by heavy sigh)".
I just can't take it anymore. I've had enough. I can take listening to bad news , impending doom and all the rest, I can take and whats more I enjoy it. It's reality tv at its best. No more shall I devour popcorn until my lips shrivel from salt overdoses in front of the evening news bulletins. My enjoyment of the misery and panic has been ruined forever by one key word in a few different phrases. That word is Pain. My skin crawls when I hear the word pain slipped into any and every article, report, bulletin , interview and debate.
Only a few months ago my ears pricked and my head cocked as I noticed the doe eyed sombre newsman mention the phrase in question whilst interviewing a fumbling politician. It was an innocent remark about budget cuts where he asked in his best mid atlantic yawn "Who can we expect to take the pain?" I remember thinking he must be stuck for original words to refer to the whole economic situation, before I could voice my disapproval the politician in a generic west of Ireland scratchy voice mentioned "We all have to share the pain". Wow I thought to myself hang on has there been some sort of referendum held on replacing the word recession or economic woes, hardship etc with the word pain. As the days went by I noticed more and more whether it be in writing or on screen the word pain being tossed about without hesitation. It was official every journo, broadcaster, economics expert and politician had joined in one big conspiracy to use the word pain as an umbrella term for anything at all to do with cut backs, suffering, tax increases.
The rate of tax is not being increased we are told the pain is being shared, classrooms arent being stuffed to capacity due to cuts in education spending no they are taking the pain, health sector isn't one billion euro over budget it is now feeling the pain. I simply can't take it anymore the word pain has been bastardised forever, if theres one thing that sticks in my gullet leaving me raw and angry it is lazy reporting, lack of vocabulary and politicians being clever in throwing about new cool terms proving they are hip and down with the kids.
I pray at night, I beg the Lord to rid me of this evil, give me back my news and current affairs commentary that I loved so much that kept me sane. Give it back to me in its entirety with all the gorey details for no more can I take being pawned off by the pain, I can't take it anymore take the pain and shove it up the backsides of all the overpaid morons that spout on about the pain so much, give me the pain with 'The Pain'.
