For a number of years now it has been apparent that the deluded and the desperate have been prey to the producers of the X Factor. Like lambs to the slaughter they line up in their thousands and one by one file by the merciless butchers who lick their lips at the thought of the quick profits waiting to be made.
It's an easy formula, take a couple of handsome yet effeminate young lads who will wait until their second single is due for release before coming out in an 'explosive' interview, add a couple of barely legal girls and get them to sing some 80's hit with a provocative raunchy dance routine that obviously can't be in any way relevant to the song, there's nothing better than a John Lennon tune about social injustice being sung in skimpy hotpants, throw in a single parent in his or her early twenties get them to yak on about how much they want this for their kids, add a novelty act for cheap laughs and finish off with a middle aged wannabe that life has passed by with potential for a rags to riches 'journey' and there you have it , a collaborative charity Number One in early December followed by the all important Christmas Number One and a string of one hit wonders from the following October through to mid November.
The young and old alike, the deluded, the mentally unstable are all being exploited for our weekly viewing pleasure. Do I sympathise with them? Not in the least they deserve it. Exploit away is what I say. Exploit them to the extreme. We have seen it all before , heard it all before.
"There's nothing else I can do singing is my life,"- oh yeah I must remember that line when the bank comes for my house because I've stopped paying the bills because I can't do anything else but be a star.
"I want this so badly I just have to get through," - similarly I can't wait to go to the moon because I want to sooooo bad, when NASA asks if I've any experience flying a shuttle I will just remind them of how bad I want this.
"This isn't about me its about giving my kids the life they deserve," - of course it is, because every kid deserves a lone parent that tours 9 months a year and is never home as there always seems to be a new night club needing a ribbon cut.
And then there's the tears, they cry when they lose, when they win, when they are criticized and when they are praised. Is there really nobody out there who is able to get through two minutes of a song and hold it together without the threat of a nervous breakdown after every round of applause. Oh I forgot crying proves how much they want it. After all they are artists and all artists dedicate their lives to their art because they want the lifestyle of mansions and press exposure, hang on a sec. Cheryl Cole referring to herself as an artist? Diane Vickers talking about taking that step up to being an artist? Well if bawling your eyes out because you want a mansion like Simon's and croaking and whispering to a dance beat in hot pants is art then let me load the shot gun and get shove my big toe onto the trigger.
Fast tracking a wannabe singers career so that their greatest hits collection is recorded before their first single is released seems to work well for the 'pop by numbers' record labels and managers associated with the show. We need more though. The anti needs to be upped if the show is to survive. Cut to the chase and have the contestants experience their number ones and subsequent fall from grace within the short period of the live finals. I would have enjoyed last years show much more had it ended with a 20 stone Joe McEl(-whatever his name is) talking frankly about how he developed an addiction to chocolate muffins when Simon and Cheryl stopped taking his calls after his singles stopped selling or better still had Jedward broke down on stage as they plugged their latest release and then sobbed about a battle with solvent abuse and manic depression or at least ADHD.
I can only hope the exploitation increases and maybe someday soon we will see the contestants skip the 15 minute singing careers and go straight to self destruction which inevitably sees them curled up in a corner of a padded cell in rehab telling a shrink about how badly they want and need this lifestyle. After all chances are they won't be doing it for themselves but to provide their children with a better life.
