Alas winter is here. The air is crisp, the ground covered with a neat dusting of frost. All around are scenes like those illustrated on classic Christmas cards. People wrapped up in hats, scarves and cloves nice and snug as they go about their daily chores. Neighbours chat as they pour a kettle of water over their windscreens before heading to work. As I wathced the crystals of ice dissolve as the glass in front of me demisted I thought to myself that nothing could spoil this feeling of absolute contentment. I pulled out of the drive, switched on the morning radio show and drove for about thirty seconds only become lodged in a line of traffic that caused my teeth to grind and stomach to churn.
My first thoughts were that the roads are icy , I could allow for that people are being cautious after all who wants to cause an accident so close to christmas. 15 minutes and approximately nine metres later my mind was working out possible causes of this delay. So I check the local radio station to see if theres any talk of a ten car pile up after all what else could be causing a 3km tail back? Are the roads like glass full of treachorous black ice. No? Ok so now my heart is pumping that bit harder, pumping more like thumping the radio has to be turned off as its just getting on my god damn nerves, what is the delay what can possibly have happened?
Then I spotted something in the distance it looked like somebody standing by an SUV getting out walking around it chatting to somebody else on the footpath. My rage eased a little as I got some relief from at least seeing something that I rationalised as being a scene of an accident with drivers swapping insurance information. But then the traffic moved on a little so I was close enough to see exactly what was happening. This was worse than an accident, this was a Yummy Mummy, not just one but an army of the self centred, presumptious, moronic, SUV driving hags.
Not content with stopping their oversized wagons in the middle of the road holding up traffic, they helped their overfed and underloved brats in the 3 minute climb down from the monster truck, locked the blasted thing, unlocked it and locked it again just to be sure, strolled non-chalantly along to the gates of the school, waved off their little darlings and then, and then, allow me to stress the and then with capitals AND THEN, they stopped for a little chat with the competition or as some would say the other mummies. Standing there talking at each other about little Diarmuids latest achievement whilst being told about how Katie has been put on some waiting list for something exclusive, ballet school or some other prestigious crap. How can somebody obstruct half the towns workforce so blatantly then go walkies and have a nice little chat without as much as a thought for those behind them. Had I not covered my windscreen in a sticky black bile they would have seen my polite two fingered gestures urging them back to their cars.
As I crawled past the actual school building I could see a set down car park area that was completely empty, here was space for twenty cars at a time empty. Why was it empty? Good question, if the Yummy Mummies actually parked there they would be late for their pilates class, or their morning coffee and croissant with the girls or whatever it is that the local coven gets up to.
If this is what winter has in store let me be the first to say Bah! Humbug!
Yours Grudgingly,
2 comments:
Amen to that, I heard a relevant comment that will tie in your two latest blogs. A texter on the radio asked this question. " At what stage in this recession will we see a reduction in the traffic volumes and especially see children walking to school!"
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